29 september 2024 12:04am
☆ i saw a post on instagram a few moments ago that said "artists are people driven by the desire to communicate and the desire to hide"
☆ i also am someone who happened to mistake being able to talk about vulnerable topics for being vulnerable, and this is somewhat an exercise on that. i haven't decided yet if i'll share this work in progress with anyone that i know irl, so if you're reading this now please know i trust you deeply. and for anyone who happens to click on this website during it's very humble beginnings (you can see what i'm working with here) thank you for bearing witness to my existence, even for a brief moment, even though there isn't much here at all - yet
☆ when i first told papa about building a website with html, he asked me if wordpress wasn't enough, a question in jest, but no. i was driving to work today and thought, there is beauty and purpose in inconvenience. there's a reason why we prefer homemade to storebought. don't you feel a little bit closer to someone when they go out of their way for you? there's a booming market for older technology, because there was something more intentional in collecting and playing your favorite music on CD or vinyl. remember blockbuster and going to pick out movies for the weekend? in the age of decision fatigue and algorithms, i most definitely understand the appeal. i haven't bought a new record in over a year, because i am at max capacity in the lovingly and expertly crafted crate my dear friend made me.☆ don't expect any of this to make sense, i'm trying a new thing and i'm kinda just winging it. normally, all of this would be scrawled across pages in my journal. i actually had an aversion to starting a blog or online diary of any sort for a long time. i had a few as a child (on wordpress) (or blogger) but had preferred writing paper and pen, i liked the sentimentality and ritual surrounding the habit (however i desperately wish i had any access or screenshots of the old websites)
☆ who knows!!!!1!!!!!!!!!111!!!!! i'm just trying to have fun and try my hand at a different outlet. i don't have anything of significance to say, filling space on an empty page. i write/type whatever i think and how i think it usually, so maybe this will also give me some good pressure to actually sit and write some poems to be enjoyed by literally anyone as typically they just take up bytes in my phone or exist in my closed journals. i'm very protective of my journals, as i feel like the thoughts literally came from me and are put forth into existence in the material world because i made it so. and because i feel that way, i would like to feel as if one thing belongs to just me in this world.